What I've Done
by Trance-Faith
Summary: Events straight after the on call room in 9x23. *Based on a prompt*


**Title: **What I've Done

**Prompt:** Someone coming to tell Lauren & Arizona they are needed so doesn't get any further than making out. Make Arizona realise her mistake and see Callie or something

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.

**A/N 1: **I hate you prompter.

**A/N 2:** Title comes from "What I've Done" by Linkin Park.

**Arizona's POV**

"Dr Boswell", a man voice called through the door just audible over the storm outside and inside in the on call room. Arizona froze. The hand on her hip and holding her hair tight in place was not her wife's. The lips, teeth and tongue she had come accustomed to were not Callie's. The lab coat she had thrown across the room now laid on the small bed, did not belong to the woman she loved. The slight silhouette she could see was cast in quick relief by the lightening as she pulled away. She could not do this. This wasn't Callie.

She saw the look of confusion of Lauren's face as she pushed the doctor away, turning her back on the blonde. How could she have gone so far as to do this? Control. She had none; her life now was about lack of control. She had had no control over the death of her daughter's father, of having her leg removed and her life turned upside down and back to front. Control she yearned to gain, but not like this. "Yes" sounded the other woman's voice inches away from her. For a moment she had forgotten what had interrupted their dirty encounter. She had to get out of this room. She had to get away as far as possible from this woman.

"We need all hands on deck, the storm is getting really bad" called Avery through the door. They had both told the young man that Lauren would be staying in this on call room for the night. That was how he knew; he had not followed them or seen anything. God how could she have done this? Running her fingers through her now much messier hair, she pulled it from its ponytail.

"Be right out", the other woman replied back.

Arizona felt a hand on her shoulder from which she recoiled. "Don't touch me" she barked loud enough to be heard over the storm but not the wooden barrier to the outside world. Lauren just looked confused back at her. Of course she was confused, seconds ago they were kissing and now Arizona felt like she could scale the wall just to get away from her. It's not like Arizona hadn't told her she was married, she had known she had a kid. Oh god Callie and Sofia. She was going to throw up.

"Just don't touch me" Arizona spat more at disgust for herself than the woman stood in front of her. Yes Lauren had known she was unavailable but Arizona had initiated the second kiss. She had chosen to cheat. She was not a cheater. Not once in her life, not even when she was what would be considered a player. She didn't cheat; and yet here she was. "Go, just go" Arizona said now more softly, so softly she wondered for a moment if she'd been heard. It was only when the other doctor sighed and retrieved her discarded lab coat she realised she must have been.

"Look I'm sorry…" the other blonde said. Arizona raised a hand before balling it, signally for her silence. She could barely look Lauren in the eye. Sure she had teased and flirted, but Lauren had no obligations here, no family. Arizona did, and she's just betrayed the very things in life she held most dear. She didn't watch as Lauren left the on call room, but knew from where she stood Avery if he was still outside would not see her.

She felt ashamed, and dirty. What made her feel worse was the knowledge that if they had not been interrupted she didn't know if she would have stopped it from going further. The blonde resisted the urge to empty her stomach in the trash can next to the small bed. The small bed she had just nearly slept with someone else other than her wife. How had things become so messed up? A little over a year ago they had been happy. Perfect even. She still loved Callie and Sofia more than anything on the planet and would do anything for them…but things had changed. She had changed.

She was no longer the perky girl who dreamt in pink bubbles and walked with a skip in her step. She saw tragedies that could come. She saw the pity in others' eyes even sometimes Callie when she could not do something so ordinary because now she only had one leg. She had told Lauren and instead of that look, her eyes still held that shine of attraction. Of lust. That look that Callie used to give her, even across a crowded room without question or condition.

Sure they had gotten physical again. They loved each other; there was never any doubt in Arizona's mind that Callie loved her. But things had changed. So many things had changed. Possibly because of this on call room they had changed for forever.

Arizona allowed her feet to carry her towards the pit, her hands quickly tying back her hair into a slicked back ponytail; and running across her body hiding her dirty fumble from her appearance. She was a doctor. That was one thing that had not changed. She was still just as brilliant a surgeon as she had ever been. Sure she needed breaks but these were becoming even further apart and unnecessary as the day which ruined her life moved further away. The day her wife took away her leg to save her life. A life she wanted back so much it hurt almost as much as her residual limb after long days. A physical reminder that she was no longer the woman Callie married.

"Hey" her voice came from behind her causing Arizona to jump. And there she was; Callie Torres who quickly fell into step beside her. Her raven hair tied back in a simple ponytail but with a slight curl. Her beautiful face showed no sign of the tiredness Arizona knew she must be feeling after such a long and tiresome day. "You okay?" Callie asked placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder; her face showing concern. God how she must look.

Running a hand roughly over one eye and then the other she hoped to remove whatever was making Callie worry about her. Callie always worried about her these days. She had to tell her what she'd done. She was no liar; though she had believed she was not a cheat too. But now? Maybe now was not the best time. They had patients that depended on them; they didn't need Callie in whatever state she'd be when she knew. It could wait. Arizona could wait until later, right?

What surprised her was a few steps away from the pit Callie allowed her hand to glide down Arizona's back and pulled her into a hug. It was not sexual or passionate. It was loving, caring and sincere. It was everything her connection with Lauren had not been. She could not lie and say the other woman's attention had not been flattering. She was attempted. Attempted too far. She had done things she believed she would never do. But it did not compare to how she felt with Callie's arm tight around her. Protecting her. She embraced it. Would Callie hold her so tightly if she had known what she had been doing less than twenty minutes ago? Once Callie knew It could be the last time they were this close again. Or maybe Callie would understand what Arizona herself was struggling to grasp.

"Yeah just tired", Arizona responded even hearing the fatigue in her own voice. It was not a lie; she was exhausted. She was tired of her life. Not Callie or Sofia, but this was not what she had wanted for them. They had made so many plans, and suggestions of plans; and not one even came close to where they were standing today.

Looking over Callie's shoulder she saw Lauren looking back at her. The blonde looked momentarily saddened but traces of it were soon gone. With a slight tilt to the head Lauren seem to understand, she had chosen Callie. The choice was not even a difficult one; and yet it was one she had failed to make in time. This was her life now; and even that as she knew it may soon be over.


End file.
